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Buried deep in the heart of the hurdle

Source: Guizhou Literature Network Author: Founder Date: 2020-07-12    


              

                    Buried deep in the heart of the hurdle

                                  赵娟


The flowers of June are still fragrant, the sun of June is still hot, and it is midsummer again。On the occasion of Father's Day, I want to use some of my raw words to record my missing father。Sometimes miss such as blooming roses, although pleasing to the eye, but often will be hurt by the flower heart, heart painWill always be engraved in the deepest memory.Over time, it will form a barrier, an insurmountable barrier。

imperceptiblyMy father has been gone for twenty spring and autumn。My father's departure made me experience the pain of no longer being together at that age when I did not know what parting was。Once upon a time, how I hope time can go back, how many times I fantasized that my father did not leave。I have always thought that I have hidden you well, hidden in the deepest part of my heart;I even thought that as long as I did not mention it, as long as the days passed quietly, then I would not be sad, my heart would not hurt...

Open the gate of memory, the river of memory, flowing quietly。My father's life, but vividly, as clear as yesterday。

Father's life is more difficult, when he was very young, grandfather passed away, grandma left his father, married somewhere else。My father had to give up his studies, follow some adults, and support himself here and there by doing odd jobs。After his father became an adult, he fell in love with his mother and voluntarily became a live-in son-in-law。After giving birth to our three sisters, my father was even more generous in letting us take our mother's name。People often say, he Han, three children no matter what, should also have a surname with their own。Then my father would smile and say:"The child will always call me Daddy, and what difference does it make what my last name is??” 

My father is tall, with a body that is difficult for young people today to achieve by working out all day。Since childhood, my father has been hard-working, active in thinking, strong and brave, and does not shrink back in the face of difficulties, and has a clear wish to let the whole family live a good life。He contracted orchards and fish ponds, and did some small business in his spare time. With his industrious hands and mind, he created better material conditions for the whole family。At the time, I had everything I wanted materially compared to other kids my age。Father is like a giant, for us to prop up a living space;Father is like a big mountain, carrying all the burdens, so that we can live easily and safely。In my mind, my father has always played the role of a tough guy, because there is no lazy word in his dictionary。

But sometimes, man can conquer heaven;Sometimes, people are powerless to return to the sky, can be easily defeated by illness。Due to long-term work, his father in the prime of life suffered from uremia, which was maintained by long-term dialysis and drugs and completely lost his ability to work。Every time I saw my father unable to bear the disease, his tall body was actually curled into a ball, and beads of sweat rolled down his cheeks, I was very worried。So I gave up my dream of being in the army and chose to study medicine, hoping to succeed and cure my father。

However, delusion is a delusion, the second semester holiday, I as usual, in the street to buy my father's favorite turtle paste, met the neighbor uncle。When he knew that I bought something for my father, he said that your father had died for more than a month, and your mother was afraid of delaying your study, so she didn't tell you。Heard the news of his father's death, a black, almost fainted, just bought jelly fell to the ground, crying, do not know how to return home。

I heard from my family that my father was afraid of dragging down his family and refused dialysis and medication, which led to the end of his life。It is reported that on the occasion of his father's death, there were too many reluctant and relieved eyes, and those present at the time cried。

The son wants to raise and the parents do not wait, what grief。Standing in front of the cold grave surrounded by some flowers and plants, I knew that my father had really left us forever, and I understood that no matter how turbulent the tears of missing me, I could not restore my strong attachment to my father in my heart。

My mother did not deliberately conceal, so that I could not send my father the last journey, has been a deep buried in my heart。After the delay in study, I could make up for it, but my father would never see me again, so after graduation, I gave up the internship place arranged for me by my family, chose Xingyi thousands of miles away, and rarely went home。

I have been engaged in the funeral industry for more than ten years, although I have seen life and death every day, whenever the farewell ceremony, whenever the accompaniment music of "Father" sounded, I heard the eulogy from my colleagues"Looking back, everything is vivid, everything is hard to forget。In our hearts, the father is tall, strapping, he is so love his children, love our family。Father's love is a mountain,Tall and dignified;A father's love is a pool of water,Deep hidden;Father's love is a pair of hands,Touching us through spring, summer, autumn and winter..."I still cry,Think of a father's love deep like the sea,Grateful father with a lifetime of words and examples,Taught me to be strong in the face of adversity,The philosophy of not holding back,Give me unspoken love...